Cold Showers

Cold Showers
Performer(s): Rebecca (with Paula, Darryl and the tenants) — First Appearance: ""Josh and I Work on a Case!""
— Genre: Patter Song

No hot water! Means cold, cold showers! And cold showers are the gateway drug to Crack!

— Rebecca

"Cold Showers" is a song Rebecca sang when trying to get the tenants of Josh's apartment to sign up for a class action law suit. She had unknowingly stumbled onto a legitimate reason for a case she could bring Josh in on to spend more time with him. In order to convince him she needed to convince his neighbors to join in so that he would be pressured to sign up as well. The song was first heard in the Season One episode "Josh and I Work on a Case!".

The song with lyrics

Lyrics: Rebecca: There's nothing I love more In life than a scalding hot shower. It's the symbol of human dignity That separates us from the chimps. Helps you scrub off the day And scrub on the sleep. Don't know if you're morning or Night shower people. Whatever floats you boat. But where are your toddlers Gonna float their boats if all You have is cold H2O? That's two parts hydrogen, One part oxygen, and zero Parts Justice! Paula: Now I know you're thinking, "What are you talking about? Go away this is private property." Darryl: Well before we leave, ladies And gents, allow me to set The scene: Imaaaaaaa -- Delivery Guy: Yeah, I don't live here. Darryl: Oh. Rebecca: Imaaaaaaagine your kids takin' A shower before they go to School. They douse their skin With ice cold water, a huge shock To their li'l systems. At first It's downright unpleasant But then it gets them wired in A way they've never felt and They think to themselves, "That shower felt great, maybe I'll try cocaine!" Everyone: No hot water! Means cold Cold showers! And cold showers Are the gateway drug to Craaaaaaaack. Rebecca, Paula and Darryl: Cold Water is drugs! Everyone: Yeah! Rebecca: So your son's on coke, your Daughter's pregnant and Your husband's probably having An affair! Apocalypse! Just like the movie "I Am Legend" But not like that at all! No hot water! Which means cold showers! Next thing you know, your Kids will be on crack! Darryl: No hot water! Paula: Which means cold showers! Rebecca: Which everyone knows is The gateway drug to crack, Crack, crack, crack... Rebecca, Paula and Darryl: Crack, crack, crack, crack... Crowd: Crack, crack, crack, crack... Rebecca: It's not just about the hot water, Folks! If this landlord's not taking A measly hour out of his day to Fix your shower, then what's this Scumbag doing with all your hard Earned cash? He's taking it and Blowing it on a had of Pai Gow At the Indian casino! Crowd: (gasp) Rebecca: He's fat-catting it at fancy Restaurants like... like the Olive Garden! (gasp) And Red Lobster! (gasp) Gasp is right! That's Gasp With a upper-cast G that Ends with P. The first letter In pool! Everyone: No hot water! Paula: No hot water! Everyone: Which means cold showers! Rebecca: Next thing you know, your Kids will be on crack! Everyone: That makes sense!

Notes

Homage

The song is an homage to the 1957 Broadway musical "The Music Man"' number "You Got trouble". It was later made famous by the 1962 film adaptation where it was performed by actor Robert Preston". Similar homages to the song have been done thoughout the years including a monorail themed one on "The Simpsons".

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