Don't Be A Lawyer Performer(s): Jim — First Appearance: "I'm On My Own Path" Written by: Rachel Bloom, Jack Dolgen, & Adam Schlesinger — Genre: Early '90s New Jack Swing
Don’t be a lawyer, don’t do it - quickest way to ruin your life. Don’t be a lawyer not worth it, it’ll leave you dead inside.
— Jim
"Don't Be A Lawyer" is a musical performance by Jim. In this song Jim tries to dissuade a pre-law student from becoming an attorney by singing about the downsides of the job. It debuted in the Season Four Episode "I'm On My Own Path."
Song and lyrics[]
Jim: 20 years old pretty smart kid didn’t know what I wanted to do So I took the LSAT and then just like that got accepted at Glendale U. Everyone said it was a real safe bet a prestigious and lucrative vocation. So I set on a journey to become an attorney without a moments hesitation. But here’s some free advice I’m giving when it comes to deciding what to do for a living!
Don’t be a lawyer, don’t do it quickest way to ruin your life. Don’t be a lawyer, not worth it it’ll leave you dead inside.
The job is inherently crappy that’s why you’ve never met a lawyer who’s happy. It’s a guaranteed soul destroyer. Don’t be a lawyer!
Law school debt, daily regret... is that what you dreamed of as a kid? Or did your hope one day that you’d find a way to spend four years working on a pharmaceutical company's merger with another pharmaceutical company?
Your only expertise is running up fees, speaking legalese like a dick! But it's not too late to avoid this fate find any other job to pick!
Sure your parents might think you’re a failure But no one’s ever said first let’s kill all the tailors!
Don’t be a lawyer! I’m serious, it really really sucks! Don’t be a lawyer No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal!
There are so many other professions that don’t turn you into Jeff Sessions! Just say no to the lawyer employer. Don’t be a lawyer!
A.J:
What about human rights law?
Jim: No money, no, no money!
A.J.:
Environmental law?
Jim: No money, even less money!
A.J.:
Immigration law?
Jim: No money plus it’s a bummer!
A.J:
OK, but what if one day you make it
to the Supreme Court?
Jim: It'd be great to be on the Supreme Court but you’ll never be on the Supreme Court. There’s truly no chance of that happening.
Attorney:
The preceding song in no way reflects
the views of CBS and The CW network.
Aw, screw it!
Jim:
See! Don’t be a lawyer!
Notes[]
Inspiration[]
"Don't Be A Lawyer" is an obvious homage to to the 1988 Bobby Brown song "Every Little Step" which replicates a similar upbeat tone and even borrows a few dance moves and style choices as seen in other music videos starring Butts McButts.
