First Penis I Saw Performer(s): Paula Proctor — First Appearance: "Getting Over Jeff." Written by: Rachel Bloom and Adam Schlesinger — Genre: Swedish Pop
I really was in awe of the very first penis I saw!
— Paula, “Getting Over Jeff.”
“First Penis I Saw” is a musical number performed by Paula Proctor. In this song Paula reminisces about her first love Jeff. This song premiered during the “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” Vulturefest event on November 20, 2017. It was featured in the Season Three episode "Getting Over Jeff.”
Song and lyrics[]
Lyrics:
Paula: I’ve thought about him for so long. Those memories are crystal clear. I was so young, he was so big and strong. I can’t believe that he’s right here!
I was such an innocent girl when we first met. He opened up my eyes showed me a whole new world... So how could I ever forget?
The first penis I saw!
Background singers: The first penis! The first penis! The first penis Very first penis!
Paula: The first penis I saw!
Background singers: The first penis! The first penis! The first penis Very first penis!
Paula and background singers: The very first penis I saw!
Paula: And of all the penises I’ve seen his had the biggest impact and by that what I mean is it really made me drop my jaw ‘cause it was the very first penis I saw!
A few times before I felt it through his pants and just generally kind of rubbed it. But that night I decided to take a chance I took it out and he really seemed to love it!
I didn’t know what to do next I didn’t have that part planned. He said let me show you some basic moves and then he took my hand!
And taught me all about...
Paula and background singers:
His penis! My very first penis! First penis! My very first penis I saw! First penis! My very first penis! First penis! Very first penis I saw!
Paula: It’s not the dirtiest also not the cleanest In terms of penis I really was the greenest.
I really was in awe of the very first penis I saw!
I was so eager I couldn’t have been keenest everything about it seemed quite ingenious! I couldn’t find a single flaw in the... first penis... very first penis... very first penis... I saw!
Notes[]
Inspiration[]
“First Penis I Saw” is an homage to the music group ABBA; Additionally the performance takes a number of visual cues from the official music video of “Mamma Mia” as well as the scene from the movie adaption of the musical “Mamma Mia” which used ABBA’s music.
I was thinking about love. It’s Paula’s high-school love. The most emotional thing I think of about love is … the first penis I saw. [Laughs.] I get emotional about that. In my case, the first penis I saw was my high-school boyfriend who ended up being gay and is now my best friend. That experience really bonded us. It was the first penis I saw and the first vagina he saw and will ever see. Sex is often very jokey, but sex is very emotional. Those moments are so, so important. One of us was like, “What if it’s an ABBA song?” Jack and I immediately started harmonizing to “Mamma Mia!” And then the ideas started pouring out.
