Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Wiki
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Wiki

Love Kernels

Love Kernels
Performer(s): Rebecca Bunch — First Appearance: "Where is Josh's Friend?"
Genre: Alternative/Progressive R&B

A slow jam about the morsels of attention that Rebecca misinterprets as declarations of devotions.
— Entertainment Weekly, 2016 Fall preview

Love Kernels is a song sung by Rebecca Bunch about her new relationship with the object of her affection Josh Chan. It's first appearance is in the Season Two episode "Where is Josh's Friend?".

Song and lyrics[]


How do I know he loves me?

It's the little things.

Little compliments here and there that

I'll secretly stockpile in my woman brain.

I can live for days off a single:

"You really listen to me."

I'm like a sexy fashion cactus.

Living from compliment to compliment.

Hint to hint.

Storing them in my body

for long periods of drought.

I may look dry but if you cut me open,

you'll find only water inside.

Incidentally that's also a useful fact

on how to survive in the desert.

But how do I know he loves me?

I guess the only way to prove it

is with abstract symbolism.

"Those jeans are cute."

"Want some of my smoothie?"

"Wait. You should put this pillow under your knees first."

He gives me love kernels!

Each little crumb a little tasty clue!

Love kernels!

Cause if you read between the lines

he saying "I love you"!

Love kernels!

Save those kernels up to make a bowl of popcorn!

Love kernels!

A handful is the proper serving anyway.

I know when you say:

"I want to go to Colorado sometime."

It means you're thinking 'bout the future with me!

I know a 3:00 AM text means I was in your dreams

before you woke up to pee!

It's a 3:00 AM subtext!

And I know you care when you say I'm going

to a movie tonight, my friend bailed wanna come?

It means I'm the most important person

in his to his friend!

But he's known his friend since he was five so that's saying a lot...Hey, rude!

I'd do anything for those love droplets!

Like a hamster in a cage! Slurp, slurp!

Love droplets!

Each a letter on a page in the novel of our love!

Love droplets!

Falling down from the sky...and when I mix it in

with the tears I cry it makes a full glass of water!

God, I'm thirsty after all that popcorn!

I'll be patient

until the droplets become a river that needs a dam!

I'll be patient

until the kernels rain down like candy on

Shaquille O'Neal from the movie "Kazam"!

Whatever you got I'll take it baby.

"What are you up to today?"

I'll take it.

"Your house smells like lemon."

I'll take it.

"Where's my phone?"

It's a stretch but I'll take that too.

I'll take all your love kernels!

This video ate up our production budget.

Love kernels!

We used up literally every cent.

Love kernels!

Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand.

But like your love kernels

we'll do our best with what we have.


Meta reference[]

In a January 2017 interview with with Rachel Bloom was asked about a particular lyric in the song:

Gazelle Emami: One of my favorite songs from this season is in the premiere, “Love Kernels,” in which you joke about how you blew the show’s production budget on making that song. Is there any truth to that?

Rachel Bloom: Yes, 100 percent. That was a big swing because that’s the most meta we have been so far, but with the musical numbers you can get a bit meta. But yes, that number was expensive — we went out to the desert for a day in preproduction to film those sweeping desert scenes, we built another set on stage with all that lavish, beautiful furniture. The costumes alone, I mean especially that cactus costume, it’s expensive. And it’s a lot of work.

Production storyboards[]

Love Kernels story board 1.jpg
Love Kernels story board 2.jpg
Love Kernels story board 3.jpg


"Love Kernels" is an homage to singer Beyoncé Knowles 2016 album "Lemonade". It is a concept album with songs that span a variety of genres and includes spoken word prose and poetry.

Lemonade album.png
"Lemonade" Album cover

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songs
Season 1 Songs

🎈 "West Covina"
🎈 "The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
🎈 "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme"
🎈 "I'm So Good At Yoga"
🎈 "Feelin' Kinda Naughty"
🎈 "Face Your Fears"
🎈 "I Have Friends"
🎈 "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes"
🎈 "Settle For Me"
🎈 "Sex with a Stranger"

🎈 "I Love My Daughter"
🎈 "I'm a Good Person"
🎈 "I Give Good Parent"
🎈 "What'll It Be"
🎈 "Sexy French Depression"
🎈 "His Status is...Preferred"
🎈 "Where's the Bathroom?"
🎈 "California Christmastime"
🎈 "Women Gotta Stick Together"
🎈 "Dear Joshua Felix Chan"
🎈 "Having a Few People Over"

🎈 "Put Yourself First"
🎈 "Textmergency"
🎈 "Where Is The Rock?"
🎈 "You Stupid Bitch"
🎈 "Group Hang"
🎈 "Romantic Moments"
🎈 "Cold Showers"
🎈 "JAP Battle"
🎈 "Flooded with Justice
🎈 "Gettin' Bi"
🎈 "I'm The Villain In My Own Story"

🎈 "Dream Ghost"
🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To"
🎈 "Clean Up on Aisle 4"
🎈 "Heavy Boobs"
🎈 "I Gave You a UTI"
🎈 "Angry Mad"
🎈 "Oh My God I Think I Like You"
🎈 "After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)"
🎈 "One Indescribable Instant"

Season 2 Songs

🎈 "Love Kernels"
🎈 "We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now"
🎈 "Just a Girl in Love"
🎈 "Maybe This Dream"
🎈 "Greg's Drinking Song"
🎈 "Ping Pong Girl"
🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles"

🎈 "It Was a S*** Show"
🎈 "We Tapped That Ass"
🎈 "Makey Makeover"
🎈 "Thought Bubbles"
🎈 "Triceratops Ballet"
🎈 "Friendtopia"
🎈 "Stuck in the Bathroom"
🎈 "Research Me Obsessively"

🎈 "You Go First"
🎈 "So Maternal"
🎈 "Duh!"
🎈 "Who's The New Guy?"
🎈 "George's Turn"
🎈 "We'll Never Have Problems Again"
🎈 "Remember That We Suffered"

🎈 "Santa Ana Winds"
🎈 "Let's Have Intercourse"
🎈 "You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)"
🎈 "Man Nap"
🎈 "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick"
🎈 "Period Sex"
🎈 "What a Rush to Be a Bride"

Season 3 Songs

🎈 "Where's Rebecca Bunch?"
🎈 "Let's Generalize About Men"
🎈 "You Do/You Don’t Want To Be Crazy"
🎈I've Got My Head In The Clouds
🎈Strip Away My Conscience

🎈 "The Buzzing From The Bathroom"
🎈 "The Moment Is Me"
🎈I Go To The Zoo
🎈 "Scary Scary Sexy Lady"
🎈 "The End of The Movie"
🎈 "Maybe She's Not Such A Heinous Bitch After All"
🎈 "I Feel Like This Isn't About Me"

🎈A Diagnosis
🎈This Is My Movement
🎈First Penis I Saw
🎈My Friend's Dad
🎈My Sperm Is Healthy
🎈George's Coffee Song
🎈Get Your Ass Out Of My House
🎈Without Love You Can Save the World

🎈Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too
🎈Horny Angry Tango
🎈This Session Is Going to Be Different
🎈 "Buttload Of Cats"
🎈Back In Action
🎈The Miracle of Birth
🎈Nothing is Ever Anyone's Fault

Season 4 Songs

🎈 "What’s Your Story"
🎈 "No One Else Is Singing My Song"
🎈 "Maybe I'm Just Broken"
🎈 "Meet Rebecca!"
🎈 "Time To Seize The Day"
🎈 "The Cringe"
🎈 "Don't Be A Lawyer"
🎈 "Our Twisted Fate"
🎈 "I Want To Be A Child Star"
🎈 "I've Always Never Believed In You"

🎈 "The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love"
🎈 "Trapped In A Car With Someone You Don't Want To Be Trapped In A Car With"
🎈 "Farewell, Fair Mustache"
🎈 "How To Clean Up"
🎈 "Forget It"
🎈 "If You Ever Need A Favor In Fifty Years"
🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You"
🎈 "What U Missed While U Were Popular"

🎈 "Hungry Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Itchy Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Funky Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Elated Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Nostalgia Cat song"
🎈 "Sports Analogies"
🎈 "Gratuitous Karaoke Moment"
🎈 "I Hate Everything But You"
🎈 "I'm Not Sad You're Sad"
🎈 "The Darkness"
🎈 "Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal"

🎈 "Real Life Fighting is Akward"
🎈 "Etta Mae's Lament"
🎈 "The Tick Tock Clock"
🎈 "I'm the Bride of the Pirate King"
🎈 "Apple Man"
🎈 "The Math of Love Quadrangles
🎈 "Slow Motion
🎈 "Love's Not A Game"
🎈 "There's No Bathroom"
🎈 "Eleven O'Clock"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reprises

🎈 "West Covina (I)"
🎈 "West Covina (II)"
🎈 "Settle For Me (I)"
🎈 "Settle For Me (II)"
🎈 "I'm a Good Person (silent)"
🎈 "The Sexy Gonna Do It Song"
🎈 "Trent Is Getting Ready Song"

🎈 "I Have Friends (reprise)"
🎈 "Flooded with Justice (reprise)
🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To (reprise)"
🎈 "Thought Bubbles (reprise)"
🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles (reprise)"
🎈 "Rebecca's Reprise"

🎈"After Everything You Made Me Do (That You Didn’t Ask For)"
🎈"He's The New Guy"
🎈"Face Your Fears (reprise)"
🎈"I'm Just A Boy In Love"
🎈 "One Indescribable Instant (reprise)"
🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise)"

🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise 2)"
🎈 "End of the Movie (reprise)"
🎈"What'll It Be (reprise)"
🎈"Slow Motion (reprise)"
🎈 "JAP Battle (reprise)"
🎈"Love's Not A Game (Reprise)"
🎈"West Covina (Final Reprise)"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Album Bonus tracks

🎈 "Sex Toys"

🎈 "It's Not Difficult To Define Miss Douche"

🎈 "Santa Ana Winds 6 A.M." (Demo)

🎈 "I'm Just A Girl In Love" (featuring Adam Schlesinger)

🎈 "Settle For Her"
🎈 I'm So Happy 4 U