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My Sperm Is Healthy

My Sperm Is Healthy
Performer(s): Darryl Whitefeather — First Appearance: "Nathaniel Needs My Help!"
Genre: Techno


Quote
My sperm is healthy! Aw shucks! Gee whiz! I got the best sperm in the biz!
EndQuote
— Darryl, “Nathaniel Needs My Help!”


My Sperm Is Healthy” is a musical number performed by Darryl Whitefeather. In this song in which Darryl is excited to learn that his sperm was healthy and rejoices in this news with his staff. This song debuted in the Season Three episode "Nathaniel Needs My Help!.” It is one of several songs from the show to have an explicit version that was released on Rachel Bloom’s Youtube channel racheldoesstuff.


Song and lyricsEdit

Broadcast versionEdit

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend My Sperm Is Healthy The CW

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend My Sperm Is Healthy The CW

Lyrics:

Darryl:
My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm I’m wealthy
I’m Warren Buffet
I’ve got so much of it
That’s what the doctors tell me!

My point is, in a nut shell,
each time I bust, I bust well!
I’ve got the quantity and the quality,
no IUD is stopping me!

‘Cause my semens steaming
like a demon and all
the surrogates are screaming:

“Just give me some
of that premium grade
baby batter!”

I never splatter!

My sperm, my sperm is
no cause for concern!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got the best sperm in the biz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.

Even though I’m no teenager
my boys still throw a rager!

They got bottle service
in every cervix
blowing eggs up like a pager!

Every lady’s getting fertilized!
Got a diaphragm?
It’s getting pulverized!
My sperm shines brighter than the sun
so wear special glasses or avert your eyes!

Give thanks my tanks
not shooting blanks!
I’m in a league of my own,
just like Tom Hanks!
Not a castaway
but I blast away
that thing I do is inseminate you!
With my sperm, my sperm
the test have all confirmed!

Employees:
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!

Darryl:
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
My sperm just aced the quiz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.


Explicit versionEdit

My Sperm is Healthy (Explicit) - feat

My Sperm is Healthy (Explicit) - feat. Pete Gardner - 'Crazy Ex-Girlfriend'

Lyrics:

Darryl:
My sperm is nice and healthy
In terms of sperm I’m wealthy
like an oil magnate
when I ejaculate
that’s what the doctors tell me!

My point is, in a nut shell,
each time I nut, I nut well!
I’ve got the quantity and the quality,
no IUD is stopping me!

‘Cause my semens steaming
like a demon and all
the surrogates are screaming:

“Just give me some
of that premium grade
baby batter!”

I never splatter!

My sperm, my sperm is
no cause for concern!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got that high end jizz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.

Even though I’m no teenager
my boys still throw a rager!

They get bottle service
in every cervix
blowing eggs up like a pager!

Every lady’s getting fertilized!
Got a diaphragm?
It’s getting pulverized!
When I come, I come like the sun
so wear special glasses or avert your eyes!

Give thanks my tanks
not shooting blanks!
I’m in a league of my own,
just like Tom Hanks!
Not a castaway
but I blast away
that thing I do
is going up in you!
my sperm, my sperm
the test have all confirmed!

Employees:
His sperm is healthy!
His sperm is healthy!

Darryl:
Aw shucks!
Gee whiz!
I got that magic jizz!

My sperm is healthy!
My sperm is healthy!

My sperm is healthy.


Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songs
Season 1 Songs

🎈 "West Covina"
🎈 "The Sexy Getting Ready Song"
🎈 "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme"
🎈 "I'm So Good At Yoga"
🎈 "Feelin' Kinda Naughty"
🎈 "Face Your Fears"
🎈 "I Have Friends"
🎈 "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes"
🎈 "Settle For Me"
🎈 "Sex with a Stranger"

🎈 "I Love My Daughter"
🎈 "I'm a Good Person"
🎈 "I Give Good Parent"
🎈 "What'll It Be"
🎈 "Sexy French Depression"
🎈 "His Status is...Preferred"
🎈 "Where's the Bathroom?"
🎈 "California Christmastime"
🎈 "Women Gotta Stick Together"
🎈 "Dear Joshua Felix Chan"
🎈 "Having a Few People Over"

🎈 "Put Yourself First"
🎈 "Textmergency"
🎈 "Where Is The Rock?"
🎈 "You Stupid Bitch"
🎈 "Group Hang"
🎈 "Romantic Moments"
🎈 "Cold Showers"
🎈 "JAP Battle"
🎈 "Flooded with Justice
🎈 "Gettin' Bi"
🎈 "I'm The Villain In My Own Story"

🎈 "Dream Ghost"
🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To"
🎈 "Clean Up on Aisle 4"
🎈 "Heavy Boobs"
🎈 "I Gave You a UTI"
🎈 "Angry Mad"
🎈 "Oh My God I Think I Like You"
🎈 "After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)"
🎈 "One Indescribable Instant"

Season 2 Songs

🎈 "Love Kernels"
🎈 "We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now"
🎈 "Just a Girl in Love"
🎈 "Maybe This Dream"
🎈 "Greg's Drinking Song"
🎈 "Ping Pong Girl"
🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles"

🎈 "It Was a S*** Show"
🎈 "We Tapped That Ass"
🎈 "Makey Makeover"
🎈 "Thought Bubbles"
🎈 "Triceratops Ballet"
🎈 "Friendtopia"
🎈 "Stuck in the Bathroom"
🎈 "Research Me Obsessively"

🎈 "You Go First"
🎈 "So Maternal"
🎈 "Duh!"
🎈 "Who's The New Guy?"
🎈 "George's Turn"
🎈 "We'll Never Have Problems Again"
🎈 "Remember That We Suffered"

🎈 "Santa Ana Winds"
🎈 "Let's Have Intercourse"
🎈 "You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)"
🎈 "Man Nap"
🎈 "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick"
🎈 "Period Sex"
🎈 "What a Rush to Be a Bride"

Season 3 Songs

🎈 "Where's Rebecca Bunch?"
🎈 "Let's Generalize About Men"
🎈 "You Do/You Don’t Want To Be Crazy"
🎈I've Got My Head In The Clouds
🎈Strip Away My Conscience

🎈 "The Buzzing From The Bathroom"
🎈 "The Moment Is Me"
🎈I Go To The Zoo
🎈 "Scary Scary Sexy Lady"
🎈 "The End of The Movie"
🎈 "Maybe She's Not Such A Heinous Bitch After All"
🎈 "I Feel Like This Isn't About Me"

🎈A Diagnosis
🎈This Is My Movement
🎈First Penis I Saw
🎈My Friend's Dad
🎈My Sperm Is Healthy
🎈George's Coffee Song
🎈Get Your Ass Out Of My House
🎈Without Love You Can Save the World

🎈Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too
🎈Horny Angry Tango
🎈This Session Is Going to Be Different
🎈 "Buttload Of Cats"
🎈Back In Action
🎈The Miracle of Birth
🎈Nothing is Ever Anyone's Fault

Season 4 Songs

🎈 "What’s Your Story"
🎈 "No One Else Is Singing My Song
🎈 "Maybe I'm Just Broken"
🎈 "Meet Rebecca!"
🎈 "Time To Seize The Day"
🎈 "The Cringe"
🎈 "Don't Be A Lawyer"
🎈 "Our Twisted Fate"
🎈 "I Want To Be A Child Star"
🎈 "I've Always Never Believed In You"

🎈 "The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love"
🎈 "Trapped In A Car With Someone You Don't Want To Be Trapped In A Car With"
🎈 "Farewell, Fair Mustache"
🎈 "How To Clean Up"
🎈 "Forget It"
🎈 "If You Ever Need A Favor In Fifty Years"
🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You"
🎈 "What U Missed While U Were Popular"

🎈 "Hungry Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Itchy Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Funky Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Elated Vagina Metaphor"
🎈 "Nostalgia Cat song"
🎈 "Sports Analogies"
🎈 "Gratuitous Karaoke Moment"
🎈 "I Hate Everything But You"
🎈 "I'm Not Sad You're Sad"
🎈 "The Darkness"
🎈 "Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal"

🎈 "Real Life Fighting is Akward"
🎈 "Etta Mae's Lament"
🎈 "The Tick Tock Clock"
🎈 "I'm the Bride of the Pirate King"
🎈 "Apple Man"
🎈 "The Math of Love Quadrangles
🎈 "Slow Motion
🎈 "Love's Not A Game"
🎈 "There's No Bathroom"
🎈 "Eleven O'Clock"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reprises

🎈 "West Covina (I)"
🎈 "West Covina (II)"
🎈 "Settle For Me (I)"
🎈 "Settle For Me (II)"
🎈 "I'm a Good Person (silent)"
🎈 "The Sexy Gonna Do It Song"
🎈 "Trent Is Getting Ready Song"

🎈 "I Have Friends (reprise)"
🎈 "Flooded with Justice (reprise)
🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To (reprise)"
🎈 "Thought Bubbles (reprise)"
🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles (reprise)"
🎈 "Rebecca's Reprise"

🎈"After Everything You Made Me Do (That You Didn’t Ask For)"
🎈"He's The New Guy"
🎈"Face Your Fears (reprise)"
🎈"I'm Just A Boy In Love"
🎈 "One Indescribable Instant (reprise)"
🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise)"

🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise 2)"
🎈 "End of the Movie (reprise)"
🎈"What'll It Be (reprise)"
🎈"Slow Motion (reprise)"
🎈 "JAP Battle (reprise)"
🎈"Love's Not A Game (Reprise)"
🎈"West Covina (Final Reprise)"

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Album Bonus tracks

🎈 "Sex Toys"

🎈 "It's Not Difficult To Define Miss Douche"

🎈 "Santa Ana Winds 6 A.M." (Demo)

🎈 "I'm Just A Girl In Love" (featuring Adam Schlesinger)

🎈 "Settle For Her"
🎈 I'm So Happy 4 U

CharactersEpisodesLocationsCast
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