When we’re together,
I feel so grand.
My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap
When I hold your hand.
But I know there’s another guy
You fancy more,
So even though
I’m not the one you adore,
Why not
Settle for me?
Darling, just settle for me.
I think you’ll have to agree
We make quite a pair!
I know I’m only second place in this game
But like 2% milk
Or Seitan Beef
I almost taste the same!
So won’t you settle for me?
Come on and settle for me!
Say yes or no
Before I choke on all this swallowed pride!
I have no problem being picked
Out from the bottom,
If he’s your broken condom,
I’m Plan B,
So lower those expectations
And settle for me.
Am I ok with this?
Totally!
(Oh sweet, a gown!)
Settle for me.
Babycakes just settle for me.
Schmoopy pie, I’m begging you please
Can’t you see the light?
Sugar jugs, I’m so bereft
Demeaning terms are all that I have left
Of my masculinity,
So settle for me!
(So twirly!)
Little girl, don’t make me feel like a little girl,
Exposed and raw,
Whose boobs can’t even fill a training bra.
Let’s pretend I didn’t say that!
Settle for me.
(It’s a practical proposal!)
Settle for me.
(It makes a certain sense!)
He’s a fantasy,
But hey,
Let’s think this through.
Yes, Josh is a dream,
But I’m right here
In flesh and blood and self-hate.
Settle for me!
In a sad way, darling, it’s fate.
—tapping—
(You’re like Rocky 5 to Rocky)
Solange to Beyonce,
Not asking to be your fiancé,
But if tonight -or tomorrow-
If you happen to be free,
Maybe,
Just maybe
Settle for me!
So what’ll it be?
Can you hurry up and decide,
A dip’s kind of supposed to be a quick thing?
(Uh…)
