There's No Bathroom

There's No Bathroom
Performer(s): Bernie — First Appearance: ""I Have a Date Tonight""

Please don't poop in my balloon!

— Bernie, "I Have a Date Tonight"

"There's No Bathroom" is a musical performance by Bernie. In this song Bernie explains to Greg that there is no bathroom on the balloons he rents. Its first appearance was in the Season Four episode "I Have a Date Tonight."

The song with lyrics[]

Lyrics:

Bernie:
THERE’S NO BATHROOM
THERE’S NO BATHROOM
IF SHE NEEDS TO USE THE BATHROOM
TELL HER THAT THERE IS NO BATHROOM
PLEASE DON’T PEE IN MY BALLOON
THIS MAY BE A BIT MORE BUMPY
THAN A PLANE RIDE OR A TAXI
BUT I PROMISE IT IS WORTH IT
AND YOUR LADY, SHE WILL SWOON!

Greg:
Ah, alright. Got it.

Bernie:
PLEASE DON’T POOP IN MY BALLOON!

Notes[]

Reprise[]

"There's No Bathroom" is a reprise of the Season One song "Where's the Bathroom?."

Season 1 Songs
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Songs
🎈 "West Covina" 🎈 "The Sexy Getting Ready Song" 🎈 "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Theme" 🎈 "I'm So Good At Yoga" 🎈 "Feelin' Kinda Naughty" 🎈 "Face Your Fears" 🎈 "I Have Friends" 🎈 "A Boy Band Made Up of Four Joshes" 🎈 "Settle For Me" 🎈 "Sex with a Stranger"	🎈 "I Love My Daughter" 🎈 "I'm a Good Person" 🎈 "I Give Good Parent" 🎈 "What'll It Be" 🎈 "Sexy French Depression" 🎈 "His Status is...Preferred" 🎈 "Where's the Bathroom?" 🎈 "California Christmastime" 🎈 "Women Gotta Stick Together" 🎈 "Dear Joshua Felix Chan" 🎈 "Having a Few People Over"	🎈 "Put Yourself First" 🎈 "Textmergency" 🎈 "Where Is The Rock?" 🎈 "You Stupid Bitch" 🎈 "Group Hang" 🎈 "Romantic Moments" 🎈 "Cold Showers" 🎈 "JAP Battle" 🎈 "Flooded with Justice 🎈 "Gettin' Bi" 🎈 "I'm The Villain In My Own Story"	🎈 "Dream Ghost" 🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To" 🎈 "Clean Up on Aisle 4" 🎈 "Heavy Boobs" 🎈 "I Gave You a UTI" 🎈 "Angry Mad" 🎈 "Oh My God I Think I Like You" 🎈 "After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For)" 🎈 "One Indescribable Instant"
Season 2 Songs
🎈 "Love Kernels" 🎈 "We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now" 🎈 "Just a Girl in Love" 🎈 "Maybe This Dream" 🎈 "Greg's Drinking Song" 🎈 "Ping Pong Girl" 🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles"	🎈 "It Was a S*** Show" 🎈 "We Tapped That Ass" 🎈 "Makey Makeover" 🎈 "Thought Bubbles" 🎈 "Triceratops Ballet" 🎈 "Friendtopia" 🎈 "Stuck in the Bathroom" 🎈 "Research Me Obsessively"	🎈 "You Go First" 🎈 "So Maternal" 🎈 "Duh!" 🎈 "Who's The New Guy?" 🎈 "George's Turn" 🎈 "We'll Never Have Problems Again" 🎈 "Remember That We Suffered"	🎈 "Santa Ana Winds" 🎈 "Let's Have Intercourse" 🎈 "You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)" 🎈 "Man Nap" 🎈 "(Tell Me I'm Okay) Patrick" 🎈 "Period Sex" 🎈 "What a Rush to Be a Bride"
Season 3 Songs
🎈 "Where's Rebecca Bunch?" 🎈 "Let's Generalize About Men" 🎈 "You Do/You Don’t Want To Be Crazy" 🎈 “I've Got My Head In The Clouds” 🎈 “Strip Away My Conscience”	🎈 "The Buzzing From The Bathroom" 🎈 "The Moment Is Me" 🎈 “I Go To The Zoo” 🎈 "Scary Scary Sexy Lady" 🎈 "The End of The Movie" 🎈 "Maybe She's Not Such A Heinous Bitch After All" 🎈 "I Feel Like This Isn't About Me"	🎈 “A Diagnosis” 🎈 “This Is My Movement” 🎈 “First Penis I Saw” 🎈 “My Friend's Dad” 🎈 “My Sperm Is Healthy” 🎈 “George's Coffee Song” 🎈 “Get Your Ass Out Of My House” 🎈 “Without Love You Can Save the World”	🎈 “Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too” 🎈 “Horny Angry Tango” 🎈 “This Session Is Going to Be Different” 🎈 "Buttload Of Cats" 🎈 “Back In Action” 🎈 “The Miracle of Birth” 🎈 “Nothing is Ever Anyone's Fault”
Season 4 Songs
🎈 "What’s Your Story" 🎈 "No One Else Is Singing My Song" 🎈 "Maybe I'm Just Broken" 🎈 "Meet Rebecca!" 🎈 "Time To Seize The Day" 🎈 "The Cringe" 🎈 "Don't Be A Lawyer" 🎈 "Our Twisted Fate" 🎈 "I Want To Be A Child Star" 🎈 "I've Always Never Believed In You"	🎈 "The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love" 🎈 "Trapped In A Car With Someone You Don't Want To Be Trapped In A Car With" 🎈 "Farewell, Fair Mustache" 🎈 "How To Clean Up" 🎈 "Forget It" 🎈 "If You Ever Need A Favor In Fifty Years" 🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You" 🎈 "What U Missed While U Were Popular"	🎈 "Hungry Vagina Metaphor" 🎈 "Itchy Vagina Metaphor" 🎈 "Funky Vagina Metaphor" 🎈 "Elated Vagina Metaphor" 🎈 "Nostalgia Cat song" 🎈 "Sports Analogies" 🎈 "Gratuitous Karaoke Moment" 🎈 "I Hate Everything But You" 🎈 "I'm Not Sad You're Sad" 🎈 "The Darkness" 🎈 "Anti-Depressants Are So Not A Big Deal"	🎈 "Real Life Fighting is Akward" 🎈 "Etta Mae's Lament" 🎈 "The Tick Tock Clock" 🎈 "I'm the Bride of the Pirate King" 🎈 "Apple Man" 🎈 "The Math of Love Quadrangles 🎈 "Slow Motion 🎈 "Love's Not A Game" 🎈 "There's No Bathroom" 🎈 "Eleven O'Clock"
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Reprises
🎈 "West Covina (I)" 🎈 "West Covina (II)" 🎈 "Settle For Me (I)" 🎈 "Settle For Me (II)" 🎈 "I'm a Good Person (silent)" 🎈 "The Sexy Gonna Do It Song" 🎈 "Trent Is Getting Ready Song"	🎈 "I Have Friends (reprise)" 🎈 "Flooded with Justice (reprise) 🎈 "I Could If I Wanted To (reprise)" 🎈 "Thought Bubbles (reprise)" 🎈 "The Math of Love Triangles (reprise)" 🎈 "Rebecca's Reprise"	🎈"After Everything You Made Me Do (That You Didn’t Ask For)" 🎈"He's The New Guy" 🎈"Face Your Fears (reprise)" 🎈"I'm Just A Boy In Love" 🎈 "One Indescribable Instant (reprise)" 🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise)"	🎈 "Hello, Nice To Meet You (reprise 2)" 🎈 "End of the Movie (reprise)" 🎈"What'll It Be (reprise)" 🎈"Slow Motion (reprise)" 🎈 "JAP Battle (reprise)" 🎈"Love's Not A Game (Reprise)" 🎈"West Covina (Final Reprise)"
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Album Bonus tracks
🎈 "Sex Toys"	🎈 "It's Not Difficult To Define Miss Douche"	🎈 "Santa Ana Winds 6 A.M." (Demo)	🎈 "I'm Just A Girl In Love" (featuring Adam Schlesinger) 🎈 "Settle For Her" 🎈 I'm So Happy 4 U
Characters • Episodes • Locations • Cast

There's No Bathroom

The song with lyrics[]

Notes[]

Reprise[]

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